What is ‘Love’? A Simple Question, A Profound Exploration
During one of my support calls, a participant asked, "We are talking about love, but what is love?" This question inspired me to write this article.
The word "love" is used in many different ways, depending on the context. For example, a child might say, "I love ice cream." A friend might say, "I love spending time with you." A fan might exclaim, "I love this band!" A chef might share, "I love cooking." And, of course, a partner might say, "I love you."
Given these varied uses, I feel it is important to clarify how I use the word "love" within the framework of mindful inquiry. To explain what I mean by "love," I will use an analogy.
The Mirror Analogy
Think about the last time you saw your reflection in a mirror. Imagine a moment when you smiled into the mirror—did it ever refuse to show your smile? Or perhaps after you stepped away, did your smile remain on the mirror? Of course not; the mirror unconditionally accepts and releases every reflection.
Now consider another scenario: if the reflection of a blazing fire appears in the mirror, does the fire burn the mirror? Clearly, it does not. The mirror remains unaffected by the intensity of the reflection it displays.
Finally, think about the reflections you see—a person’s face, a tree swaying in the wind, or a cozy house. While these reflections might seem distinct, they are never truly separate from the mirror. Beyond their unique shapes and forms, they are inseparable from the surface that holds them.
In the same way, "love" is unconditionally accepting. Like a mirror that embraces every reflection without attachment or aversion, "love" accepts all creations equally. Love does not discriminate, favor, or reject any aspect of existence.
Just as a mirror provides the space where reflections appear, love provides the space in which all creation arises. Reflections cannot exist without the mirror, just as creations cannot exist without love. Moreover, just as a reflection cannot alter or damage the mirror, no creation can diminish or harm love.
While reflections may seem distinct from the mirror due to their unique forms, they are never truly separate from it. Similarly, the creations in the world may appear separate from love due to their names and forms. However, when you look beyond appearances, you will see that all creations are expressions of love. Love is the essence of everything, just as the mirror is the essence of every reflection.
(I first came across this analogy when listening to a discourse about Tripura Rahasya from Shri Anubhananda Saraswati, who in turn was quoting Sri Adi Shankaracharya. The Tripura Rahasya is an ancient spiritual text rooted in Advaita Vedanta, which explores the nature of ultimate reality and consciousness. Sri Adi Shankaracharya is one of the most revered philosophers and theologians in India, known for consolidating Advaita Vedanta teachings. Shri Anubhananda Saraswati is a contemporary teacher who brings clarity to these traditional teachings. This analogy is not my original idea but an established example used in Advaita Vedanta to illustrate profound truths.)
Key Aspects of Love
his exploration of the mirror and its relationship with reflections naturally leads us to summarize the key aspects of love in a clear and concise way:
Love is unconditionally accepting, embracing all without attachment or aversion.
Love serves as the medium in which all creation arises.
Creations may appear distinct due to their unique names and forms, yet they are never truly separate from love.
Love remains the essence and foundation of everything, unaffected by the creations it encompasses.
In this way, love reveals itself as the universal essence that underpins and connects all existence.
Limitations of the Mirror Analogy
As we delve deeper, it becomes necessary to set aside the analogy of the mirror, as it has served its purpose. While the mirror analogy offers valuable insights, it has limitations: a reflection requires an external object and light to exist. In contrast, when we explore the relationship between love and all of creation, we see that no creation exists outside of love. Love is unique in that it has no opposite; it stands as one without a second. Thus, while the mirror analogy helps illuminate certain aspects, it cannot fully encompass the profound and all-encompassing nature of love in relation to creation.
The Mindful Inquiry Framework
Building on our understanding of love as a universal and unconditionally accepting essence, let us now connect this insight with the mindful inquiry framework. This framework is designed to help us reflect on our relationship with love in practical and meaningful ways. Here are the guiding questions:
At this moment, are you withholding love from yourself?
Are you willing to stop withholding love from yourself?
Could you allow yourself to have love?
Could you allow yourself to return to love?
Could you allow love to be here?
With these questions in mind, let us delve deeper into their significance and application.
Step 1: Observe
To build on our earlier insights about love, let us now examine its presence in our daily lives through reflection. When you ask yourself, "At this moment, are you withholding love from yourself?" you are taking a mindful step to examine whether you are cutting yourself off from the unconditional peace, freedom, and acceptance that love embodies. In truth, you are never separate from love. However, thoughts and emotions—what I call mental-emotional conditioning—can create the illusion of separation. By posing this question, you are reflecting on whether this conditioning is causing you to unintentionally withhold love from yourself. This introspection opens the door to greater self-awareness, inviting you to reconnect with the boundless peace and acceptance that love provides.
With this awareness in mind, we are ready to explore the next question in the inquiry framework, which focuses on letting go of resistance and welcoming love more fully into our lives.
Step 2: Allow
After reflecting on whether you have been withholding love from yourself, the next step invites a deeper inquiry: "Are you willing to stop withholding love from yourself?" This question builds on your earlier awareness, encouraging you to explore whether any valid reason exists, in this moment, to continue keeping love away. Let go of past regrets and future worries, and ask yourself honestly: is there truly a reason to deny yourself love right now? If the answer is no, this realization naturally leads to the next step, where you can begin reconnecting with love and embracing it fully. From this understanding, we transition into the heart of allowing love to flow freely in your life.
Step 3: Receive
After examining whether we are willing to stop withholding love from ourselves, we can deepen our understanding by exploring a new perspective. For much of our lives, we have believed that love requires us to do something, achieve something, or become someone in particular. We have made love conditional, often seeking it from external sources. In doing so, we have overlooked the profound possibility of experiencing love right here, right now, without conditions. By asking, "Could I allow myself to have love?" you are inviting yourself to embrace love unconditionally—not as something to be pursued, desired, or searched for, but as something you can simply allow and accept in this moment. From this realization, we move closer to reconnecting with the essence of love within us.
Step 4: Reconnect
Building on your ability to accept love, the next step involves letting go of any lingering sense of separation between you and love. By asking, "Could I allow myself to return to love?" you create space to reconnect with love’s presence. Think of this as opening a window to let in fresh air and sunlight—a simple, natural act that allows love to flow freely into your life. In this moment, you might ask yourself, "Is there a limit to how much love I can allow?" If you sense that there is room for more, give yourself permission to welcome it. Similarly, you might wonder, "Have I reached my capacity for love, or can I embrace even more?" If you recognize there is space for additional love, let it fill you completely. This deeper connection with love’s presence sets the stage for the next step, where you can embrace love even more fully and expansively.
Step 5: Abide
With each preceding step, you have opened yourself more deeply to the presence of love. Now, as you fully open yourself to receiving love, you may come to realize that love is not something external but the very essence of who you are. You are love, and love is you. The final question in the framework—"Could you allow love to be here?"—invites you to embrace this profound truth. It encourages you to exist in this moment as pure love, free from any sense of separation, embodying love in its most authentic and unbounded form. This realization completes the journey, bringing you into harmony with the essence of love itself.
Taking the Next Step: Connect, Explore, and Learn
As you reflect on the five steps and begin your journey of embracing love unconditionally, consider these opportunities to explore further and receive support:
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